My Roving Barcalounger

By Michelle Cottle

We did it. With less than two months to go until our second child is scheduled to arrive, my husband and I swallowed our pride, plundered our savings and joined the much ridiculed ranks of minivan owners. It had to be done. Neither of our old vehicles had what it takes to handle two car seats, two parents, the odd grandparent and the sheer tonnage of baby paraphernalia required for even quick trips to the grocery. Still, it took multiple visits to the dealership before I came to terms with the sociological enormity of what we were about to do. In America, you are what you drive. And as everyone knows, cruising around in a shiny new minivan definitively announces to your fellow road warriors, "I am an unabashed suburban breeder."

But, hey, I'm a big girl. I can sacrifice a little hipness for the sake of my offspring. Besides, whatever my new midnight-blue ride lacks in exterior flash it more than makes up for with interior luxuries: huge leather seats, lightning-quick seat warmers, individual climate control, DVD player, satellite radio, five-CD changer, three power outlets for my cell phone, "conversation mirror" (to facilitate chats with backseat passengers), voice-activated navigation system and, of course, 15 cup holders for those mornings when I feel the need for several different flavors of Frappuccino. Throw in a wet bar and a shower massage, and I can't foresee the need to leave my vehicle ever again.

But as snug as I feel in my rolling rec room, I have started to wonder if maybe it offers a few more bells and whistles than are prudent. Should there really be a mirror designed to shift my gaze from the road to my traveling companions? And while the DVD player takes the edge off long trips with my 2-year-old son, I can't shake this feeling that it's only a matter of time before I plow into a busload of schoolkids while struggling to cue up SpongeBob SquarePants. My navigation system, meanwhile, not only can locate the five nearest Chinese restaurants from any point in the continental U.S. but will also remind me that I have a noon dental appointment and that I need to pick up the cat's antifungal cream before the vet closes at 6. Cool? Absolutely. But also utterly distracting.

As if Americans weren't scary enough behind the wheel, our cars are becoming as diversion-packed as our homes. Customizers have started installing TV screens in the front seat of vehicles, allowing drivers to watch movies as they weave in and out of rush-hour traffic. If you think some jerky lawyer yammering on his cell phone is a road hazard, just imagine how deadly he'll be while watching Braveheart at the same time.

While it's still too early to gauge the precise safety impact of such high-tech amusements, there's ample evidence that the driving public already pays far too little attention to the road. In June, researchers at the Virginia Tech Transportation Institute released the results of a yearlong study showing that driver distractions--including such low-tech basics as eating, chatting with passengers and fiddling with the radio--account for nearly 80% of crashes. The AAA Foundation for Traffic Safety has released similar reports detailing the link between various distractions and vehicular crack-ups. And the British Medical Journal added to the mound of data about the dangers of dialing while driving when it reported last month that gabbing on a cell phone (even the hands-free variety) quadruples your risk of getting into an accident requiring a trip to the hospital.

Of course, each year also brings new reports on the ballooning number of hours Americans spend commuting and chauffeuring the kids between soccer, ballet, T-ball, karate and tuba lessons. Because we can't be at home, kicking back in the Barcalounger with a tall cold one, we're dead set on making our motoring experience feel like the next best thing. But driving a car--particularly the supersize models--really should demand more concentration than, say, slouching slack-jawed in front of the wide screen in your den. And who knows? Maybe if we were a little less content to veg out in our wombs-on-wheels, we might work a little harder on ways to spend less time on the road.

Contemplating the downsides of so much vehicular comfort and entertainment, I find myself getting anxious all over again about having taken the minivan plunge. Maybe I should call the dealer and see if it's too late to swap my new blue marvel for a stripped-down subcompact with no AC, no stereo and bad suspension--just to be safe.