United in Pain, Divided Over the War

By Nathan Thornburgh

"NOT A DAY GOES BY THAT I DON'T WISH MY SON WERE STILL HERE. BUT I SUPPORT THE WAR."

THOMAS F. ZAPP

The father of Thomas J. Zapp, a Marine lance corporal killed near Fallujah on Nov. 8, 2004, made a pilgrimage from Richmond, Texas, to Crawford last week. He came to see Cindy Sheehan, not President Bush. "I want to sit down and talk to her," explains Zapp. "She says that a lot of people don't understand what's she's been through. Well, I do." That would probably be where their understanding ends. When Zapp learned of his son's death, it only strengthened his robust support for the war. "It made me prouder to be an American," he says, "and prouder to have known my son for the 20 years he was on this Earth."

"SOMEBODY HAS TO SAY STOP. WHO BETTER THAN MOMS WHO HAVE LOST THEIR CHILD?"

LYNN BRADACH

The feeling that your child may have died in a senseless war can be a double anguish. In the two years since her son Corporal Travis Bradach-Nall, 21, was killed clearing land mines, Bradach tried to honor his memory by tamping down her anger. After all, her son had volunteered for the extra tour that ended up being his last, and she wanted to respect that commitment. But Cindy Sheehan's public protest has given Bradach confidence in expressing outrage. "Soldiers are being killed, and no progress is being made," she says. "We need to call [the troops] home." Bradach is planning to travel from her Portland, Ore., residence to Crawford this week to join Sheehan, and she is certain that her son would have supported the trip.

"SHEEHAN IS DISHONORING HER SON BY DEPICTING AMERICA SO NEGATIVELY."

JENNIFER HARTING

She gave birth May 1, two days after her husband Jay, a captain, was killed at a checkpoint. Labor was induced so that she and the baby boy could attend the funeral. But Harting, of Fort Irwin, Calif., knows that the real work of eulogizing Jay to their three children has yet to begin: she wants their father's death to be a lesson that sometimes the toughest fights are the most important ones. That's why Harting smarts at Sheehan's brand of grief-fueled activism. "I sympathize with her pain. But I think Cindy Sheehan doesn't get it," she says. "You can't just leave when the going gets tough. Even if tough means that soldiers are going to die." Harting thinks that instead of protesting, Sheehan should take solace in knowing that a soldier's job is to follow the President no matter what. "Her son's life could never have been in vain," she says. "It's sad she can't see that."

"I ADMIRE SHEEHAN FOR WHAT SHE'S DOING."

JOSEPH COLGAN

Long before his son Ben appeared as the quiet lieutenant in the documentary Gunner Palace, long before a Baghdad bomb took Ben's life on Nov. 1, 2003, the elder Colgan, of Kent, Wash., was an antiwar activist, a member of the Catholic peace group Pax Christi. But Ben's independent streak led him to join the Army just out of high school. His death has made Colgan's personal pacifism surprisingly divisive. While Colgan and his wife Pat remain opposed to the war, Ben's widow Jill and other family members are equally ardent supporters. "I didn't think this would be so difficult," he says. "It's one of the saddest things. It's put a crimp in our relationships." Colgan says he sees very similar dysfunction in the national feuding over Iraq. "You've got the whole line that speaking out against the war is dishonoring the dead," he says. "It's stupid that we can't talk."

"IF [SHEEHAN] WANTS TO DO THIS FOR HERSELF, FOR HER BROKEN HEART, THEN SHE SHOULD. BUT IT WON'T HELP THE PAIN. NOTHING WILL."

JEANETTE URBINA

The sorrowing mother from North Baldwin, N.Y., never cared much for debating the wisdom of the war. Nine months after the death of her only son Wilfredo, 29, a specialist killed by a roadside bomb on Nov. 29, 2004, Urbina looks at Sheehan's protest in Crawford through the lens of personal pain, not presidential politics. "It doesn't matter what the government changes," she says. "They can bring everybody home today, but they can't bring her son back." Urbina's Long Island community came together to mourn Wilfredo, a volunteer fire fighter, but his mother says that plaques and parades do nothing to ease the heartbreak of losing a son. "They hand me these awards, but my arms are empty," she says, "because I don't have my boy." She doesn't know if the Bush Administration was right to start the war, but she says the economics of sacrifice dictate that the U.S. needs to finish it. "The mothers have paid so much for this war," she says. "I just want it to be a success now, so all this pain will be worth it." --By Nathan Thornburgh. With reporting by Polly Forster/Portland and Maggie Sieger/Grand Rapids

With reporting by Polly Forster/Portland, Maggie Sieger/Grand Rapids