Punchlines

"The Justice Department has subpoenaed Google. They're demanding to see records that will tell them how often people search for porn on the Internet ... First they tap our phones, now they want our Google searches. When did the government turn into our jealous girlfriend?" --JIMMY KIMMEL

"The New York Post reports that Barry Manilow is releasing an album where he covers classic songs from the 1950s. When asked why he picked the '50s, Manilow said, 'Because I already ruined the '70s and '80s.'" --CONAN O'BRIEN

"This week, a 100-year-old Tennessee man got married for the third time, this time to a 68-year-old woman. When asked why he was marrying a woman 32 years his junior, the man said, 'Yes, I would love a sandwich.'" --AMY POEHLER, on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update"

"Some sad news--NBC has canceled the show The West Wing. You know things are bad when even fictional Democrats aren't doing well." --JAY LENO

For more political humor, visit time.com/cartoons